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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24387913">To Die For</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkuroo/pseuds/justkuroo'>justkuroo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, kurotsukki - Freeform, osatsukki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:33:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,268</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24387913</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justkuroo/pseuds/justkuroo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody is scared of being alone. So is Tsukishima.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Miya Osamu/Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>68</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Die For</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Based on To Die For by Sam Smith</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="adM">
<p></p><div class="im"><p>
      <em>
        <strong>It is if everyone dies alone…</strong>
      </em>
    </p><p>
      <em>
        <strong>              Does that scare you? </strong>
      </em>
    </p><p>
      <em>
        <strong>                      I don't wanna be alone.</strong>
      </em><br/>
<br/>
<strong>-Donnie Darko, 2001 </strong>
    </p></div><div class="im"><p>***</p></div><div class="im"><p><br/>
A tall figure walked down the stairs slowly to head the front door. He put his hands on the pocket of his long coat after adjusting his glasses. The brown boots on his feet felt cold, so was the black ones beside them. He stared at the pairs for a while before he reached the doorknob. The dark emerald door was opened from the inside as he finally felt the fresh air for so long. It was hard for him to even get his ass up his own bed, let alone being outside his house. He stopped for a second, feeling hesitant and afraid of something that he wasn’t sure of.</p><p>That was a lie. He knew what was he afraid of.</p><p>
      <em>"Let's get out. You've stayed at home for too long, your skin starts to beat the snow. Come on, let's get some Hinata. Haha, get it? Cause Hina means the sun?" </em>
    </p><p>He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, opened his eyes and exhaled. He could feel the chill breeze of November hit his face. Suddenly he felt a slight pain in his chest when he realized what month it was. But he decided to ignore it, because he knew he needed this.</p><p>
      <em>"Do you know? November is the best time in Tokyo. It's cold but it felt warm to sightsee. And lots of festivals, food, culture, and also--we can't deny this, best movies come out on this month. Perfect, right?"</em>
    </p><p>He always knew November is a good time. He never hated November. He liked the way the leaves got red and yellow, falling down the trees. He liked the way it's cold but not as cold as winter. He liked the way Bokuto and Akaashi always take him to the food festivals because Bokuto wanted to eat the autumn desserts. He also looked the way his lover smiled, underneath the winter illuminations and kissed him underneath the fake mistletoe.</p><p>
      <em>“You’re making me the happiest man alive, Kei.”</em>
    </p><p>He stopped walking and could feel his heart rate changed. He lifted his palms and made fists to stop them from shaking. His toes curled up inside his boots. The cold sweat formed on his forehead. He closed his eyes, scared. No, no, no. This is not happening.</p><p>"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" </p><p>He opened his eyes and looked at two strangers in front of him. The lady stepped closer to him while the guy walked closely behind her.</p><p>"I-I'm fine..." he didn't even know how he lost his breath.</p><p>"You look so pale. Do you need me to call someone for you?" The light voice of the lady made him even more nervous. He didn't want anybody saw him like this, and now he needed to deal with a goddamn stranger.</p><p>"I said I'm fine!" </p><p>The lady flinched at his raised voice. The man behind him pulled her away from the trembling body yet refused to receive any sympathy from strangers like them. The couple took some steps back, he could hear the woman’s worried voice while the man just wanted to get the hell out of there.</p><p>“Just… leave me alone…” He whispered, stumbling his way out of their sight. His trembling hands reached the pocket of his coat and finally caught his phone. He dialed the third speed dial, panting and sweating as he waited the other person to pick up his phone.</p><p>
      <em>“Hello?” </em>
    </p><p>“He-hello…”</p><p>
      <em>“Hey, are you okay? Kei? Where are you?”</em>
    </p><p>“No, I… I can’t... breathe…” Tsukishima closed his eyes, his legs gave out and he dropped his body on the road. “Please…”</p><p>
      <em>“Tell me where you are! Kei! I’m coming to get you! Hang on! Tell me where you are right now!”</em>
    </p><p>Tears roll down Tsukishima’s sweaty face. His chest felt like a thousand needles hit him at once. He couldn’t breathe, his head was spinning but he felt cold all over his spine. His palms went too sweaty, the phone dropped and he couldn’t feel anything to even pick it up again. He placed his trembling palms on his chest and squeezed his coat, trying to arrange his breath again. He just wanted to go home now. </p><p>One kid with a skateboard stopped, another one behind him too. They stepped closer to him but he quickly grabbed his phone and raised his body even though he felt like fainting.</p><p>“Sir, are you okay? Do you need us to call an ambulance for you?”</p><p>No. He tried to make a sound but it’s only happening in his head. No, get away from me. Tsukishima dragged his feet to back away from the spot and with so much strength left he found a narrow alley and sat on the ground. This way no one could see him.</p><p>He closed his eyes, trying to calm his heart down. Cold sweat started forming and he knew he’s gonna break. His eyes were already sore from crying too much, he didn’t believe they got more tears to spend. He buried his head on his arms, curling himself up like he was protecting himself from the world.</p><p>
      <em>“I love you, Kei. I would die for you.”</em>
    </p><p>Tsukishima covered his ears, closing his eyes harder than before. He hated these voices that kept haunting his head. He didn’t know why he kept hearing these voices, it’s not like he wanted to. In fact, he wanted the voices to go away from him and not coming back.</p></div></div><p><em>"I love you so much, I would die."</em><br/>
<br/>
Tsukishima didn't know anymore what's louder now. Those voices or his heartbeat that kept bumping on his rib cage.<br/>
<br/>
<em>"I love you, Kei. Thank you for loving me too."</em><span class="im"><br/>
<br/>
Gradually the voices faded, so did his conscious.<br/>
<br/>
*<br/>
<br/>
When Tsukishima opened his eyes, he saw the familiar white roof above him. He realized he was in the same emergency room just like before. He hated here.<br/>
<br/>
“Kei?”<br/>
<br/>
He turned his head and saw a blurry but familiar figure with black hair trying to get closer to him. The figure placed his glasses on his face and he could see the familiar worried face.<br/>
<br/>
“How are you feeling?” the man asked.<br/>
<br/>
“Dying.” Tsukishima answered. The man was taken aback. “Thank you for coming.”<br/>
<br/>
The man reached Tsukishima’s hand and held it tightly. “Why were you outside like that?”<br/>
<br/>
There was a painful beat before Tsukishima answered him. “I just wanted to see him.”<br/>
<br/>
“Kei…”<br/>
<br/>
</span>“I’m sorry.” Tsukishima closed his eyes, the tears fell out without his concern. He tried to wipe them off his face but it just kept flowing non stop. “The world just felt like crushing down on me. I wanted to see him so that I won’t feel so alone.”<span class="im"><br/>
<br/>
“You’re not alone, you have me!” The man got up from his seat, looking at Tsukishima with sad stare. “Kei, please, you’re never alone. I’m with you, I’m here for you, please, please…” the man leaned in and hugged Tsukishima, he was holding his tears too from the heartbreak of seeing Tsukishima’s weak state. “I’m sorry I was late, I’m sorry I wasn’t there sooner, I’m sorry for every lacking thing I do, but please, please stop feeling lonely when I’m right here.”<br/>
<br/>
</span>Tsukishima raised his hands and hugged the man back, letting the man joined into the crying mess. He held the man tight as the man did the same to him.<span class="im"></span><br/>
<br/>
“I’m sorry, Osamu…” Tsukishima choked back a sob. “I’m sorry I can’t love you the way you love me…”</p><p> </p><p>***</p>
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